My vertigo spiraled out of control when I went to watch the Robotics Competition over the weekend. I burst into tears when I first sat down at the top of the arena, followed by 20 minutes of intermittent laughing and crying from all the environmental stress. After an hour and a half of pounding music, spinning lights, flying frisbees, and the sound of 60 autonomous robots whirring and clanking, I was on the verge of vomiting and could not properly lift my feet (sliding feet slowly in order to move forward). After venturing into the pit and walking with (smudged) goggles I was sweating profusely and panicking, and needed help leaving the arena. My Otoneurologist said the balance and cognitive problems could be brain damage from years of vertigo. Has anyone heard of this? The strange part is the worst balance problems started when the vertigo subsided temporarily – maybe because the brain for so long tried to correct for it. And continues to try to correct for it, even when it's absent. Weird. Hopefully I can eventually get rehabilitation for this damage, and regain my balance.
Despite the distress I was so happy to see my son in his element. His team placed 5th out of 60 teams, and won 2 trophies including top-seeded rookie team. I realized that it is not about me at all. I need to get up everyday for important reasons, but I have to remind myself: It has nothing to do with me. Life goes on, even when my own goals are annihilated.